Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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