in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
I lost the right to judge tonight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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