i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
