yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
