So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
