There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
