so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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