I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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