I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
