smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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