I will die if light touches me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
