There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My cat gives me a boner
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
