Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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