Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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