STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize