im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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