He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
