Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She's JV to your varsity
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
