i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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