I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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