Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
