I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
