I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
