He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
