Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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