She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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