Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
should my penis look like a turkey
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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