"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
