She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize