i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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