You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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