i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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