I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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