Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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