***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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