its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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