We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
