i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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