wrigley field is MILF paradise
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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