my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
