I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
