I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
