someone threw a dead crab at me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
