Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize