Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
