i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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