Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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