He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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