i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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