she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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