thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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