For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
