she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
