There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
