I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
