u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
