Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
