Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They have beer where we have blood.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
