You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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