I hate all girls vehemently.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize