His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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