Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
