You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
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Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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