And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
